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July, 1998
actually, i do think more often than once a year... really i do. in fact, i try to do it a couple of times a day, just for the exercise. ya know, exercise is good fer wot ails ya.
i believe that my Beloved holds all things in His wounded hands and that He orchestrates all things in my life (and yours, too). and while that sly dog can whisper in our ears, he cannot "make" us do anyting, neither can he "create." whispering is his specialty. and our ego just loves to run amok when handed anything that remotely resembles anything at all.
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i recently had a conversation that so quickly eroded into an impossible situation, it left me quite breathless. like the tide carrying off your sandcastle, i watched the inevitable happen before my eyes as i foolishly tried to stem the tide... to no avail, of course. the deed is done, the tide is gone and my work is no more... my pride is hurt... my ego shipwrecked--as well it should be.
i have learned that in all situations, it is paramount to our growth and honoring to God the Messiah, that we remain peaceful and gentle-hearted in our spirits. regardless of how a situation looks, how impossible it seems for improvement, by our peaceful and gentle acceptance, presenting ourselves always to our Father, the Christ, wholly trusting Him--knowing that all things are as they need to be for His purposes, which are unknown to us--it behooves us and honors Him that in all circumstances we choose to see what is good and noble in others and choose not to notice judgements made against us.
for no one can fully know another; words and time limit the passing of such knowledge to one another. married couples spend a lifetime attaining a partial knowledge of one another. the Eternal has known us completely since before He created times and dimensions. if we focus on externals, i.e., events, words, perception based on partial knowledge, we allow our ego and vanity to have full reign over our human persona--in turn we dishonor the work God is creating in us.
perhaps it is more important that the challenges people present to us uncover doubts we still have about ourselves and the path the Beloved has set before us. uncovering doubts gives us an opportunity to deal with them. the "peace that passes all understanding" comes more easily when we discard ego and vanity and being concerned with how others perceive/regard us. self-control brings us that peace which enables us to understand and be patient with ourselves and others.
i am still laboring to hold these truths--sometimes it seems i drop them too easily. neither good nor bad times should cause us to lose our emotional equilibrium. if we regard such times as occasions for further conforming ourselves to the image of Christ, no shock will set us off-balance.
"Then Job said to the Lord, I know that You can do all things and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted. You said to me who is this that darkens and obscures counsel by words without knowledge? Therefore I now see I have rashly uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. ...Therefore I loathe my words and abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.
when I finally attain to such perfection, it won't matter what others think of me, my values, my principles, my morals... i know that i stand before my Beloved open, with nothing to hide.
like the loving and gentle and true Father that He is, He has gathered my tattered persona from where i hung it out in trust, and tucked me deep in His munificent embrace; rocking comfort and peace into my shattered spirit.
He gives Himself so freely-- He is beyond our narrow dualities of love/hate, like/dislike, and comfort/discomfort, He has no need to produce results through leverage or force. As the only True Father, He seeks the best for all, and indeed, is eager to provide for those who love Him.
...and sometimes, we shine.
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