you write to me, your words...

This letter is from Larry, who wrote to me on June 12, 1998.

My dear la Reina: Solaz, Queenofeverything, I can not find words to express the sadness I feel at your recent health news. Your update leaves me feeling a vague sense of loss and queasiness that web-browsing contact cannot account for, and I have to say: thank you for all of the love that you have put across here. Please don't go away...

how sweet your words to me. i have received many letters about my decision to take down my website. every one had encouraging words for me. so much so, that in good conscience, i cannot say "it is fitting in His honor that i remove this petty public folly"..... which is what i was saying... sorry. i owe you and the others (not to mention my Beloved) the deepest of apologies.

I have followed your web pages for ages since first happening upon them 'accidentally'. I have been really, very inspired by your gifted writings and understanding of life, relationship and pain; and in knowledge of Christ, to whom you bring a remarkable freshness.

so many have said such to me. i am amazed. i only write what i know. and i know His voice. i know His embrace. when i am at my lonliest, or most painful, or deepest sadness, i crawl into my bed (which has this really great canopy that i have draped with curtains and those tiny, clear christmas lights), i turn on the canopy lights, and i praise Him, and thank Him (it's like a little party). i offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving at every opportunity... i do not bring remarkable freshness to knowledge of my Beloved Christ, rather, i do these things to pay my debt... because i love Him more than words could ever say, and i long so to be with Him. i do these things to call down defeat upon my "romance with death"... i am not happy here. i want to go home, and live forever in the embrace of my Beloved, the One, who loves and cherishes me.

I am continually pondering the ramifications of your statement about 'to shipwreck your ego vs. your soul...'. You see, I have been scathed upon those very rocks of my own devising that you describe; the humility of my experience and abundant grace granting me much witness to the truth of your words...

i think that likely most of us have experienced the humiliation of shipwrecking our ego... shipwrecking one's soul, now that's the kind of experience from which one can only recover through the "death-defying journey" of healing from The Messiah, The Christ, my Beloved. i know; i've been on that journey for so long.

I once submitted you some poems which got lost with your hard disk crash, so perhaps you will vaguely remember me.

tsk, tsk, tsk! i did ask for replacements, you know! however, the poem you sent to me with this letter, so intimate an expression from you, i have posted in Poesia, because there is in it a deeper cry that i see... i think others should see it.

Please take courage. I have much to share with you in the way of healing, if you would wish it.

someone once said, "courage is only fear that has said it's prayers" seems likely. please do share; when we share our sorrows, our healed wounds, our death-defying journey, all are blessed thereby, and The Eternal, our only True Father and Messiah, is well pleased with us for the doing.

Though if anyone can be said to be 'handicapped', you seem perhaps only marginally qualified.

(((smilegoeshere))) thank you for the compliment. i guess i have been having quite a pity-party. just some crazy, inexplicable fear of being paralyzed. as if The God of the universe couldn't overcome such, as if my Beloved would suddenly find me less delightful or just stop loving me... i am my Beloved's and my Beloved is truly mine. He loves and cares for the woman He created.... with electric colors!

My ear and my prayers,

your prayers i covet; your ears,.... well, are they cute?

"When health is absent, Wisdom cannot reveal itself, Art cannot become manifest, Strength cannot be exerted, Wealth is useless and Reason is powerless." Herophilus 300BC

another cybermorph!?! i didn't think anyone read herophilus anymore!   --yss