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you write to me, your words...
This letter is from John, who wrote to me on February 5, 1998.
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Self-esteem doesn't exist.
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i disagree. self-esteem is just exactly that. one's own perception of one's
self. surely you have a perception of yourself?
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To be scared or afraid of something has more
to do with how confident one is of the outcome and nothing in how other
people think of us, which is what self-esteem is.
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"self" esteem is one's own self perception. what one thinks of one's self.
i think of myself as a highly creative, over-analytical, visionary sort...
soaring with eagles, never able to remember where my glasses are... able to
focus so tightly i could eclipse a brain surgeon... never able to get
anywhere exactly on time. i think of myself as a brilliant, lovely, flake.
and i am my Father's favorite daughter. that is my self-perception, my self-esteem,
the regard i have for myself. the respect i have for myself. what
other people think of me is their perception. something they concieve in
their mind and choose to believe based upon what they see, hear and/or read of
me. it is their perception, their esteem or lack thereof, their respect or
lack thereof ... for me. it is not necessarily the same regard and
perception that i have for myself.
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Self-esteem is based on
external influences and forces and usually these forms of input have
nothing to do with the person at all.
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self-esteem is based in your own heart and soul and body and mind. it has
nothing to do with other people at all. it is your very own self-image. the
one you carry in your heart of hearts about yourself. who cares what others
think or feel? if they are afraid or intimidated by me and so avoid me, how
sad, it is their loss. i am so much fun. but sadly, there are people who do
not like me because i am "too much" (they say). they'll say things like,
you're just too flambuoyant; or, i need to watch from a distance, i don't
want to get too close to that fire; one time a man i loved very much said
that loving me was like drinking from a firehose. he did leave me. and
watches from a distance. it is his loss. and mine. but my self-image, my
self-esteem, my self-regard, my self-respect never changed. my heart broke,
but i am still the one my Father created with electric colors to delight
His heart.
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Also, to be scared of something has
little to do with self-confidence and more to do with uncertainty of the
outcome and/or situation.
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fear has to do with both, my friend. actually, someone said, courage is
simply fear that has said its prayers....
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Otherwise, thank you for the kind words. I guess that's one reason I am
so attracted to you. You are a very caring, nurturing and sensitive
woman, a woman very much in touch with the spiritual plane, much more
aware than I am (or could ever hope to be). Your vision of beauty, sense
of optimism and general intuitiveness gives you a depth that is refreshing
to encounter since so few people have taken the time, or made the effort,
to develop that part of themselves. I'm as guilty as the rest for not
doing as well as you in those areas. For that I am truly sorry.
I do enjoy hearing from you. You are much smarter than you think.
Einstein, if you remember, wasn't considered too bright and was
"accademically challenged" (he was actually considered to be quite stupid,
if not possibly retarded) and didn't gain any noteriety until after he got
out of school. And he did it on his own terms, much like you.
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no, no, not li'l 'ol me..... remember, i just play around with words....;-)
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Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I do enjoy it and
it means a lot to me.
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again, i am humbled by your kindnesses. how sweet and refreshing to me,
like that ever-so-slight breeze in a lush summer garden. thank you for such
high regard and lovely words. i appreciate them more than you can know.
i am so well cared for by my Father.
He lavishes friends on me, bringing the most wonderful people into
my life.
--yss
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