Somewhere it is written,
that faith is being sure of what we hope for
and certain of what we do not see...

i tried to cut off my nose to spite my face. i said "i dance on water at His word" --then i silently, slyly, ordered my execution; for my way was covered with the thorns of broken promises and lies --mostly my own. so i shut down each exquisite system, one by one, strengthening the enemy's grasp as i innocently looked in the opposite direction through ego-fashioned blinders; closing my visage. vain imaginations; misguided piety.

my Beloved comes quietly, folds me into the pure and incomparable embrace of His perfect love, whispers into my heart and soul: "choose life. there is grace and mercy for which only you are fashioned to give; some fashioned to receive only from you. choose life because you love Me."

i am choking on the fumes of my raging ego --i am not as strong as i thought i was. the voices of shame and doubt and blame and regret screaming in my ears-- times i'm so scared i hold my breath --can't breathe --always so afraid of being left by those i love, yet so hardened in the hurt. but rich says my Deliverer is coming, my Deliverer is standing by... that He'll never break His promises, even if the stars break faith with the sky. says love's a miracle (a miracle if you can find it). but The Eternal lives in radiance... i live in skin. we all want to love and be loved; when you love, you walk on water; but to stand in love, unconditionally, takes some grace... we are just not as strong as we think we are.

faith without works is like a song you can't sing. to my delight, there is a purpose for suffering; for pain. i am learning to see joy in the Fellowship of His Suffering. i am learning that pain and suffering is the gateway and the key that opens mysteries of the Beloved that would not be otherwise open. so i lean into my pain... leaning always into the Fellowship of His Suffering.

there are so many kinds of pain: physical, emotional, spiritual; the pain of failure; the pain of losing a loved one; the pain of joy; the pain of beauty; the pain of healing.

didn't He say, "I will make all things new..." He hands us each new moment, saying, "My child, begin again; you are free to begin again."

this very moment is filled with His love, His power; for us to begin anew, begin again; to break the bondage of the past and of the future... break away... break away to a new beginning. again. to live in the freedom of total forgiveness, with reckless confidence... as a treasured child. i think it's called *UNCONDITIONAL LOVE*

so i lift up holy hands, breathing the unbearable pain of His joy, and close my eyes in His embrace; above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of wrongs.